Penile Cancer

Did you discuss the lump with anybody else?

I mentioned it; I mentioned it to my wife. I was saying, when she was saying ‘Look, you really need to go and get your blood pressure sorted. You really need to take that seriously.’ And I said to her, at that point I said to her, ‘Well, actually, there may be something a bit more serious that I need to… need to deal with.’ And that was how the subject came up. And I took it from there. And then, and then there was obviously the point at which it became obvious to her that the, the growth was there. And so then we had to talk about it and deal with it from there.

Did she provide any encouragement to act on your fears?

Did she – I think. I think she was supportive, but I think at that point when I’d realised ok that it was perhaps prostate, but that it was something that I had to talk to the doctor about, and once I’d set things in motion. Then really, it all took care of itself from there then once I’d faced it, which it was the doctor, then the blood tests, then the results, and everything sort of flows through from there. And so, but I don’t think I could have done anything to make it go, go faster or slower from that point.
 

When did you first tell someone about the problem?

Its, well my wife saw it and I think I was, there was a bit of blood on my underpants and things like that and she wanted to know about that. So that told her, or she found out... that’s the first situation and then obviously went to the doctors and it all went on from there. Once I knew I’d got the cancer, well we, we told members of the family and not exactly where it was, but that I had, skin cancer and that needed treatment. And that’s been one of the difficulties of course, talking to friends and family and [laughs]. You know, people you know for many years and you want to tell them that you’ve got an illness and its, its needing treatment and you sort of say, ‘it’s a man’s problem,’ rather than the exact… you know details and the location. So that was one of the difficulties. And there’s a lot of my friends who have said, you know, ‘You’re a very private person. You don’t sort of wear your heart on your sleeve.’ So it’s I mean still only a few people know, exactly where it was.
 

Did you tell anybody else? Any friends or family?

No. Oh well, the wife was there when I was when the doctor said like, you know that I’d got cancer. So I think she was more upset than me [laughs]. You know, outwardly she started to cry over it but, I just said you know ‘I’ll be alright.’ You know ‘Don’t worry about it.’ So [chuckles].

Did you find it helpful that she was there?

[Exhales] I suppose in a way yeh because you share, you share the anxiety then you know. I mean if, obviously, like I say if you’d, if I’d have been younger then it would have been a different ball game. I think you know at the age I mean if I had been younger I think it’d been psychologically it would have been different, you know. That’s how I could describe it anyway [chuckles].
 

I didn’t tell the wife that I’d probably got it until it was a hundred per cent confirmed because I saw no point in worrying her and the rest of the family until we knew exactly what it was and what was going to happen and um my wife came with me to all the consultant visits and she sat inside while I was being – she didn’t go out like some wives disappear out while the husband’s being – I said, “No she can stay and be…” she was there the whole time so she knew probably, she used to ask a few questions that I wouldn’t have asked, if you know what I mean [chuckles].

So when you did break the news to your family and maybe friends, how did you go about it, how did you reveal it to them?

Well I… sorry… my wife came with me to the one and I knew that I hadn’t told her but when it was announced she was there so she found out the same time as I did. She burst into tears bless her and funnily enough, it sounds daft but the fact that I had kept it from her was a help because I knew and I was able to comfort her which was probably strange. You’d probably think it was other way, that it was me, but she was fine in a couple of minutes, the surgeon was very good.
 

It’s difficult to conduct yourself the same as you were because you’re not the same. But… you know people don’t need to know. People don’t need to know what’s the matter with you. Without friends and family, it would have been very difficult, very difficult. So I owe them more than I could ever repay them. But apart from that, things are going alright now, seemingly fit and well and looking forward to starting my reconstruction and getting myself back to something like I was.

With regard to relationships, no. I have a relationship with my brother and my sister and we are very, very close. They used to, they’d come over as often as they could but they have … things that they need to deal with as well. And…apart from that… it was, it’s funny really because you tend to forget about everything else. I am the most important thing. The world goes on, the world goes on but I just focussed on me. That was, and it’s very selfish I know, but… that was, I was the most important thing, at that particular point. And I weren’t bothered about work, I wasn’t bothered about money, I wasn’t bothered about anything. My health, I was the most important thing. If I got out of it and I could get myself back up and running again then them other things can be dealt with. But if I didn’t then they can’t be so there so there’s no, in my opinion there’s no point worrying about it. But they had, which I was surprised at, they had… some help at the hospital as well, they had people coming round if you were… But…but I’m not a God-fearing man, I’m not, although I would never take his name in vain or anything like that. But there were times when I was quite low and they used to have the padre come round and…. and I remember speaking to him. He actually came to see me on the day before my lymph glands, I had my lymph glands done. And I wasn’t…. at all scared about the operation. Not... not, people don’t believe me but I wasn’t scared. But it was nice for him to come and just say a few words. I know, it’s nice. And I always, I always maintain, I never blank off, I never close my mind to anything and it did me a bit of a good, to be honest. There was a network of people that come round and chat and just…it was, it was a real eye-opener. It really was and the most, the most magnificent people I’ve ever met in my life.
 

At that point when I went to see the gentleman at the other hospital, I still couldn’t get about so I had to... father drove and I had to put the back seats down and put a quilt in there and lay down in the car. So I needed... I needed a hand. I needed a hand to get in the car. I needed a hand to get out the car. And I... obviously with it being the first time that I’d been over to the other place I didn’t know where it was. Father did.

No they come down to see if I was alright and that, you know. Just shopping for me because I couldn’t get out. Because I had this bag on it was embarrassing. Because I had to keep stopping and… you know if you’re in the street you can’t just go on the side there and lift your trouser leg up and… put the brake... you know switch on and let it all go. It was embarrassing so I didn’t...That’s the only trouble, having that on. But once it’s off... did my own shopping. Went to my own way. That’s the only embarrassing thing about it, [chuckles] having that bag on your leg.

Well family and friends, initially I am a widower, I live on my own and they were doing my shopping and caring for my needs and my daughter used to come and do some cleaning for me, because I was immobile, because every time I moved my wound was leaking. So friends and neighbours they would do shopping for me. So I was well covered with that aspect. I understand that... I’ve been... well I’ve been lead to believe that the local authority social services do help you, but in my case I’ve had no help whatsoever and I’ve... I’ve had no offer of help from the social services, which I must point out.

I had my sister and my daughter. My sister having been a nurse, you they did help me a lot in you preparing my mind for going in. But being a very busy professional person that did help me actually go through the days and there was… not a great case of concern on my mind and worry. It was very more sort of… pragmatic approach of well I’m going to have this operation and but you know let’s hope the consultant doesn’t take off more than he needs to. And I’ll be grateful for what’s left effectively. So that period went fairly quickly and I believe and you know it… did we... I had the operation and I was very pleased with how it everything went.

What kind of support did they give you when you told them?

They gave me every support, every kind of support morally, physically because I’m not, I’m glad I don’t, I’m not working right. My son gave me new Mercedes? For drive he take the old one, give me the new one. “Enjoy your life” he said. My relatives lives in Canada and USA, he said, “Go there, I pay the ticket”. I said “ok” Before I fly because I have twice the operation, one bioscopy, one, this one. I was told they put nuclear in my body right, where if I go to the airport it will detect it… we have to…. here’s the letter to show them at the airport, no problem. Then I ask the surgeon, I said, “I want to go to Canada” he said, “If you wait a couple of weeks it’s ok”, because person who had operation sometime they got blood clot, blood clotting. So I said, “It’s alright doctor, I’ll not fly yet.”

So your family helped you enjoy your life?

Yes.
 

I think I was the only one who was dealing with any actual surgery removal of any parts. The rest were in for rodding as they said [chuckles] being rodded and a couple of hernia patients. Apart from that we was all in the same position. We all had catheters in and being well you had to, you had to make a laugh and a joke out of it especially when you was on nil by mouth. You know you say ‘well what you having lunch today?’ and you say ‘fresh air pie’ [laughs]. But yes it was… I think they was all in the same boat really. You was all in there some were in more pain than others I think some people are more prone to feeling pain than others and perhaps I was lucky I didn’t feel… I wanted to keep on being a nuisance to the staff in anyway. At least I hope not. Yeah I... that was... that was about it.

Did you find it helpful to discuss your condition with other patients?

Definitely. With the little discussion we did have I think you know that… they were certainly sympathetic because they they’d never experienced or heard of it before themselves. And… it was nice to be able to talk about it with somebody on the ward after the operation because you need to release your thoughts and feelings and I think talking to somebody you know is really important. I can’t really stress enough on that.
 

Did you tell your colleagues?

No, I only told the colleague that I’ve known for years, who I work with, who was – he was my boss, so I told him. Ah…he was quite put back over it but he said, ‘All your… as far as I’m concerned you don’t come back to work till you’re physically fit.’ I went to tell the MD and he said the same. So there was no hassle at all on that side. And nobody at that time knew what the cancer was. I just said ‘I’ve got cancer, I’m going to go in the hospital and have an operation and... the outcome will be what it will be.’
 

Yeh, I told yeh work, every, work had to know about it because of these treatments. I was going to be sort of going away from work every day for these treatments. And they were really good because they’d just say well, just ‘don’t bother coming in. Just you go and get your treatments done and.’ So they were quite understanding about it. The said don’t start, because it was only like going for, you know there for sort of twenty minutes while you get the shot done. But they said basically ‘don’t bother coming in, you’ve got enough on your plate.’ So they were quite understanding work, friends, family. So, sort of everybody knew about it, I thought well there’s no use hiding it, it’s out there, and I was quite surprised that, that there was this thing called penile cancer and, at the time I think I just wanted to jump on this crusade of en..., you know, enlightening people that, you know this thing exists, watch it! [laughs] yeh.