Interview OV40
More about me...
A chemotherapy treatment was postponed because blood tests showed she had not recovered enough to cope with it.
A chemotherapy treatment was postponed because blood tests showed she had not recovered enough to cope with it.
In the meantime I was due to go back in every 3 weeks to have chemotherapy. When my first 3 weeks came up I had my bloods tested at the local surgery on the Monday ready to go to hospital on the Wednesday. But the first session I wasn't allowed to go because the platelets in my blood hadn't risen high enough. So I was quite disappointed in this because I thought I was a failure, couldn't have my treatment, really wanted just to get through the 7, or the 6 treatments. However the next week my blood was up so they took me in the following week.
Could not do all that she could before her illness because she tired easily and needed more rest.
Could not do all that she could before her illness because she tired easily and needed more rest.
Having cancer has taught her to only do what she wants to do.
Having cancer has taught her to only do what she wants to do.
I don't stick to routines, I'm not washing day Monday, baking day Tuesday, I'm not that type of person. I now decide when I get up in the morning, if I want to go and do something, I do it. If I don't want to do it, I don't do it. And that's exactly how I look at life, and I just live each day as it comes and enjoy myself.
Felt deformed to have no navel after her hysterectomy.
Felt deformed to have no navel after her hysterectomy.
Thought that surgical changes to her vagina would make having sex difficult, but it felt normal to her partner.
Thought that surgical changes to her vagina would make having sex difficult, but it felt normal to her partner.
After I had my treatment I was, at first I was told they were going to leave the cervix. And then I was told that the cervix had been taken away, so I wouldn't have to have any more smear tests or anything. But then, not really being a medical person I didn't quite know what was going to happen then if I did have sexual intercourse, because would the vaginal channel be big enough, for one thing, or would I tear? Or I didn't know what was at the end of it. But I was told that, yes it would, it was quite sufficient, it would be long enough to take the length of a penis, if you see what I mean.
And the first time I was a wee bit wary of it because I was scared that I was going to burst or, you know, it would be to the end and I kept asking, 'What does it feel like to you? Do you feel you've come to a barrier or something?' But I mean you don't, you just feel normal, to them, you know, to the male. They didn't find anything different about it. It's just in your mind you're expecting like the finger of a glove, that you come to the point at the end of it and you think, 'oh it doesn't go any further', it doesn't work like that. So you do have plenty of space, but then I didn't know that, I was quite, quite unsure of what they had done.
Became bankrupt following marital breakdown, worked the maximum hours per week allowed while living on state benefits.
Became bankrupt following marital breakdown, worked the maximum hours per week allowed while living on state benefits.
I've lost a lot of income. I was made bankrupt in the beginning of the year, well 2 years a year back now, from April, through financial problems that my husband and I had. Basically he was in and out of work a lot in the end. He was a very professional man to begin with. Alcohol got the better of him, started taking out loans, all this had to be paid back, which didn't work. We had a trust deed signed because he wasn't, he gave up work while I was ill, to supposedly look after me, but it didn't quite work like that. And once I got back on my feet a year after I was ill I started to, the solicitors rang me about this trust deed. And he had also left me with quite a bit of debt when he left in the November, and a solicitor suggested that I go down the lines of bankruptcy, so I was made bankrupt in April last year.
I do 3 hours therapeutic work but I possibly could do more work, but, the financial situation I'm in is, I'm on disability and I don't get any maintenance, so I'm on benefits and I'm allowed to earn a certain amount a week which covers my 3 hours, so if I go and do more work that then puts everything else in jeopardy. And I know I'm not able to do like, so 16 hours work, which I would have to do, but I can't, I don't do that, so I'm still doing 3 hours therapeutic work.
Her nine-year-old daughter wrote her a poem on learning the diagnosis.
Her nine-year-old daughter wrote her a poem on learning the diagnosis.
She was a very intelligent 9 year old, and she ran outside and took off up the lane, didn't want to know me, didn't want to speak to anybody, and then about an hour later she came back and she handed me this poem she'd written. Which was very, very touching, but it just explained exactly how she felt. Since then I haven't hidden anything from her. But it yeah, the hardest point was telling my 9 year old daughter. You know, but we never ever, no she did, I think she maybe did ask me was I going to die, and I think I had said, 'Well, hopefully not, I intend to fight it', you know or 'I intend to be here'.
Her husband, parents and brothers cried with her on learning the diagnosis.
Her husband, parents and brothers cried with her on learning the diagnosis.
I have 2 brothers, and the first time they came in we were all sitting crying and I'd never seen my brothers cry before and that was very hard. But once you get through all that stages, I think you get stronger for it and you know how to talk about it. It's that initial, 'lets talk about it', don't know what to say, they don't know how to approach you, they don't, they don't want to cry in front of you because they're embarrassed, but I think if you give them that lead, 'lets cry', and then it really does open them up and we can do that before you start to talk about it. Well that's how I felt it helped me, but '
Hearing the stories of bereaved relatives at a self-help group meeting was depressing.
Hearing the stories of bereaved relatives at a self-help group meeting was depressing.
So it, the cancer group at that point wasn't any use for me 18 months on. Had it happened 4 or 5 months into it, yes, I might have been more interested but not, I'd come through the worst stages, if you see what I mean, and I needed to be looking to the future, not mopping up tears and things for other people. I mean I could quite understand this woman being upset, but I had to look at it from the different angle, I was the patient not the relative. So it wasn't really meant for me, I had to move on from that.