Pregnancy

And at what point did you make contact with health care about the pregnancy?

It was about 8 weeks. Again I, I didn't see the point of rushing down to the GP's just to have something confirmed that I already knew. And I wasn't particularly aware of the fact, the need to get into the system, as it were. So it was, I think it was about 2 months in.

What prompted you to go at that point?

I think, I had a general awareness, because I've got three, I've got three sisters and they've all had children and I had a general awareness that there were scans available and that the 3 month sort of timescale was, was significant in some way, and so I thought, 'Well, if I go a month before that I can find out, you know, what's on offer and, and start to sort of get my head round what's, what, what the services are' really.

Did you know about things like folic acid and stuff before?

I did know about folic acid, yes. Yes. I think it was from general awareness, but also in terms of probably talking to other people around, around pregnancy and pre-conception.

Right, so you'd been taking it beforehand?

I'd been taking it beforehand, yes.

OK. And so who, you saw the GP when you went?

Mm, yeah.

And what was the response?

That was an interesting conversation, because I, [laugh] I thought I'd worked out when my due date was, and so sort of merrily pranced in to see the GP and was just expecting him to confirm it and give me sort of information about next steps. And the date he gave me was 3 weeks before what I expected him to say and it made me realise that I didn't actually understand how pregnancy is calculated [laugh]. And all this business about 40 weeks from the date of your last period. You know, I, I'd looked it up in, in a book and, and I couldn't quite work out the fact that it's calculated from a certain date at which point you're not pregnant at all. It didn't make sense to me and, and so I had to sort of do a bit of readjusting in my mind that it wasn't going to be sort of S-, into Septem, middle of September, it was probably going to be the end of August [laugh].
 

So this time around you found out at 6 weeks. What stage did you go to a doctor or midwife?

I didn't go until I was about 10 weeks, because... I get the impression they don't really sort of do anything before then anyway. They just tell you to go home and wait. So I thought there's no point going to the doctor's like straight away. I might as well wait until before they're going to do something [laughs]. So I just waited till 10 weeks to go.

And what happened when you got there?

I had, the midwife came round. The midwife came round and gave the interview, and then I was sent for a scan, for the 12 week scan shortly afterwards.

Was that just a dating scan or was it a -

The dating scan.

nuchal fold the, where they look whether the baby's got Down's syndrome?

No, it was just the, it was a dating scan.

Were there times in that first twelve weeks when actually you wished there was some more support or information or anything?

I think a little bit you do, because I think even if you just have something to read, like the pregnancy book or something like that, I think that might be quite helpful, especially if you go, I mean at, if you go quite early, if you've never had a child before and you're sort of decided you want to keep it, and say you find out at six or seven weeks, I suppose it can be good to know there's, what to do, maybe not to eat this, not to eat that. So that kind of thing is quite useful, I think, and knowing that the doctors are, are, to feel that they might be doing something about it or putting you on a list or something like that. I think that can make you feel like there's something happening. Because obviously things are happening for you, in your body and obviously in your life, but obviously, you know, no-one's there to - you get no reassurance from the medical people or anything like that. So I can see how it would be useful to have some, some information or contact with someone in those early weeks.

Mother: I think I was about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. No, probably before then a little bit, actually, probably around 6 weeks pregnant, I think, something like that, 5 to 6 weeks. And I had, I said, 'I'm pregnant', and I wanted to just ask about what the process was, because I wasn't sure what, what do you do now? And she sort of said, 'Oh, yes, well, I'll fill this form in and you sign it. And we send this off and the midwife will contact you. It's all done for you. You don't, you don't have to worry.' And I had asked at that time about antihistamines, 'What is the, you know, the process on antihistamines?' I know that obviously when you're pregnant there is, you have to be careful, but if I need to take any anti-, antihistamines, and she said, 'Oh, no, I advise against antihistamines totally.' And that was it really, and that was my appointment.

Father: But it was more a, from the way it was described to me, it was a case, it was like going in and saying, 'I think I'm pregnant' and they went, 'Yep, okay. Well done. Go away.'

Mother: Yes.

Father: And they even failed to send the form off, didn't they?

Mother: Yes, well --

Father: Because the midwife never got in touch with us.

Mother: No, I did wait.

Father: So that was quite---

Mother: And I was almost sort of like, 'Oh, when am I going to get to that stage when I'm 10 weeks and they're going to contact me for my appointment?' And I waited and waited and waited, and I just thought, 'Well, I don't want to be sort of harassing people to say, 'Why haven't you contacted me?'' So I did, I just thought, 'I'll wait for them, because they said they would contact me'. And I never expected them just to forget about it, which was apparently what had happened, and somehow this form had got mislaid and hadn't reached the right person or it wasn't written up in the book. 

And so eventually when I got to, I think I was between 12 and 13 weeks when, by the time I got to see the midwife. But I'd just, I'd rung the week before and said, 'I'm really sorry to bother you but, you know, I'm expecting a call from, from you or from a midwife to arrange a booking-in appointment, and I just wondered when that was going to happen.' And the, the midwife contacted me to say that, 'Oh, I'm really sorry, we just totally haven't got your details, because whichever procedure has broken down, we don't know. I do apologise.' Anyway, and, and when we actually went in for the booking, booking-in appointment, to fill out all the forms, this midwife was falling over herself to apologise, because one thing that came up in the booking-in appointment was that the nuchal fold scan that you have for Down's syndrome was done at 13 weeks, and of course I was almost there. And so we literally didn't have any time to think about, 'Well, do we want to do this? Do we not want to do this?' And in the end it got to the stage where I thought, 'Well, no, I think we'll just leave that for now.' And I think because of that breakdown in communication, wherever it happened, you know, I just felt some choices had been taken away from me, really. I didn't have enough time to think about things, which would have been a very good thing to do, because I think those things are import.

What was the care like in the first trimester of pregnancy?

Both times it's been quite sort of hands off. I think that the first time you're pregnant you go to the midwife expecting fireworks and, and people to say 'Oh that's absolutely fantastic' and of course to the healthcare professional it's just another person, we're just another appointment that morning. And I felt it was quite low key whereas perhaps I think I would have preferred a bit more, I perhaps would have preferred more appointments at the beginning and fewer in the middle. Because it would- you go in and you say you're pregnant and they say, 'Well, come back in twelve weeks' which seems like a huge amount of time.

So yes, I was quite surprised at how, how sort of non-interventionist they were at the beginning. But then having said that I wouldn't want, I mean it's an interesting balance, because you wouldn't want them to be too medicalised, I mean I just said that I want it to be all natural so, it's interesting the sort of balance. I suppose it would be nice to have people to go to, maybe just to go and talk to rather than actually having anything going on. You wouldn't necessarily need to have any tests or procedures, but it would be nice maybe to go and see the midwife every month just for a ten minute chat. That would have been reassuring.

What would you have wanted to discuss with her for those ten minutes?

I'm not sure, maybe things like, things like diet, things like how you're feeling physically, any sort of morning sickness, those sorts of things. Things that you can do to help that like ginger, or some natural things and just have a bit of a chat with someone who knew what they're talking about and who could say "everything seems to be going fine". 

With the second pregnancy are you still, did you still find that you would have liked more contact within the first trimester?

Possibly, I certainly wouldn't have minded having more contact. I don't feel I needed it so much, but certainly if I'd had the opportunity to have appointments I certainly would have gone. So yeah, I think I would have probably, on balance, I would have liked to have more.
 

Because I also went to the family planning clinic as well. I found them a little bit more helpful. And I got leaflets about eating certain foods and bringing up a baby. And then when I did go back to the doctor she put me for the first scan, like I said. And then she was telling me what foods to avoid and what foods not to avoid, and she checked my health, my urine and everything was all right, and asked me how I'm doing at work, and that was about it really. She didn't ask me anything else. I didn't talk to her at all about abortion or anything like that. So maybe that was my, maybe that was my error. I think when, because when I first told my doctor I was pregnant she was under the impression that I was going to have it anyway, and I didn't tell her any different [laugh]. So maybe if I'd told her that I wasn't too sure, then things might have been different.

So it was the family planning clinic where you had the discussions about abortion?

Yeah, yeah. I talked to them more about abortion.

That, it was difficult because I was single, there was an automatic assumption that I, there was a decision to make on whether I keep the baby or not, which to me, there wasn't, there wasn't really. At least I hadn't told anybody else there was. When the midwife came round to, for my first booking in my home, she actually commented on, 'Am I wasting my time being here? Are you going to actually keep this baby?' Which I found really, really difficult because I'd made no, no reference to having a termination or anything like that. I had, I had no intentions of it. So her attitude, presumably because I was single, because I'm young, was that, 'Am I going to get rid of it?' Which I found really difficult, actually, and it spoiled the relationship between me and my midwife for the rest of the pregnancy.

Did you ever say anything to her about that?

No, no, I'm not the type of person to, I just, I let that go, I didn't say anything about that.

But you say it made the relationship with your midwife difficult for the rest of the pregnancy?

Yeah, yeah, it made, it made it difficult because she's obviously, to, to me that means she's got a view in her mind of who I am and the type of person I am and so I found it difficult to relax with her and be comfortable with her and be myself with her.