Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (DCIS)

I have been unlucky with my LD flap I think because I was in quite a lot of pain and I don’t think people believed me actually. I know that sounds awful but that’s how I felt, people didn’t believe me. I went to a physio for two, privately I went to some physio for two sessions several times because I just felt everything was pulling across the front. So I had the operation in February, and this is two years ago now, and people, you know, if you ring up anybody or talk to your GP, I think four to six months they expect a few aches and pains, all right, get on, you know, no problems. But this was going on October, November and I was still, and in fact it was the physio that said to me in the end, she said, “Well, I can’t stop that. You know, I can’t, when all this exercise, it’s something that’s in…” And that, I did get myself in a state because I was in quite a lot of discomfort and I used to wake up every morning feeling exhausted. And I was getting emotionally all wound up as well.

 

So when I went back for my yearly check, I was pretty desperate actually. I was feeling but, and this is where, I don’t know if I want to say all this really but it was, I got very upset because I felt I had to be very assertive in there and say, you know, apparently lots of women have sort of various party tricks my surgeon called them. And I was just so angry, it was not a party trick. I was, you know…But anyway, he did offer me, offer to cut the tendon. So that was a year, well no, the tendon was cut last June so that was, but it took me a few months to get round to deciding I had to do it, I was getting so, I really was getting very down actually. I was because I couldn’t see a way out. I felt this was, and in the meantime my dad died and I had three or four months that was pretty, you know, going back and forward. It was just, OK, it’s all right. But, you know, looking back, it was a tough time.

 

So when I was ready I went back and I said please could, I’d like the tendon cut. But I am, you know, I was a state. I don’t reckon, so by this time I really almost got to a stage where I had a phobia about going back. But it was a different experience going in on a weekday, I have to say. The staff, you know, you don’t feel that there were people that were talking to you while you were waiting. The whole experience was different. And I also knew, of course, it wasn’t such a major operation. I knew that. I was so, so hoping it would make things better. So, you know, that’s what happened.

 

And I did go in and I was, I could feel relief immediately he did it because I had, used to get this great tightness right across my chest. I couldn’t breathe sometimes, especially at night. So it was a great relief and I did thank him very much and, you know, he’ll quote that he went in and said you know I felt like a new woman. I did. But unfortunately, as far as I’m concerned, I still have a lot of movement across my chest. I still have, and to be fair to my surgeon, he did say probably a few months in to when I first went in there that you know, if this movement was still there the nerve would have to be cut.

 

So I don’t know whether cutting the tendon was supposed to sort it all out or whether that was just part of the procedure but, you know, when I went back sort of four or five months after the operation that was cutting the tendon, I just felt that I was still wasn’t happy, I couldn’t, still feel it moves. I can feel it now all the time. There are certain things I do that it really gets aggravated.

 

 

Yeah, yeah, I’ve been to see my surgeon but in the meantime by GP sai

From day one I was told to get my arm above your head. You read on the BCC site, you know, get your arm right round the back and do all these things. So I was keen obviously to get better and get back to fitness if you like and for everything to heal properly. So I did exactly what they said. Day three they discovered I had this nerve damage and that was only, again you don’t know what to expect. I mean, I originally had nerve damage right down my leg. Nerve pains, you know, just like, it’s like electric shocks and like stinging and burning goes on, you know. Like jabbing. As if somebody’s pricking you with hot needles kind of thing. You know. And it was, you know, the surgeon had come in and how was I? And I said, “Oh, you know, I feel fine.” And this was, of course you’re getting all the jabby pains going on with everything healing in there as well. But, I said, “But I can’t understand why have I got pain…” I had, right round my bottom and where I have it all the time is here. But right round my bottom I had it. Right down to my privates, here. I had kind of like a numbness round there. My back felt very, very strange. It was so swollen I guess and kind of numb. And I’ve still got numb areas on my back. But I also had all these pains going down my leg. But they’ve gradually lessened. And I thing the gabapentin has helped a lot. It’s a nerve painkiller, I guess it would be. I don’t know. It sorts out the nerves a bit.

 

Anyway, so it’s been a lot better since I’ve been on that but I still, a couple of nights ago, because I’ve done a bit of cleaning or whatever, I end up with ice packs here and on my back sometimes, you know, it gets that sore. Just to numb it, it feels better [laughs].

 

 

I see my surgeon on Tuesday evening and I should be in again fairly quickly. What’s happened is I had indentations appeared about six weeks. And apparently that’s quite common. Because I do have a small implant in as well. And I saw the breast cancer care nurse on the Friday and I said, you know, she says, “Oh come up and I’ll have a look.” And she said to start massaging it. Now I’d not been told that before at all. So I was massaging it, you know, with the cream and by Sunday evening I’d, you know, started massaging it and I thought, “Well that’s really quite sore there,” you know.

 

And when I looked down I thought, “God that looks really strange.” Because this was all caved in here. And instead of just having a couple of little indentations here that looked really quite dark, the whole thing was dented in here sort of thing, you know. And seemed to have moved across. So I phoned and they said to come in and see [the surgeon] on the Tuesday evening, which I did. No, the following Tuesday, it was like a week and a bit later. So instead of going at my three-month assessment I went at two months. And he just took one look at it and he says, “Yeah,” he says, “the muscle’s pulled away. The back muscle’s pulled away from the chest wall muscle. So we’re going to need to reattach that.”

 

 

But he said he wanted to wait until everything had settled down, because I’ve had a lot of contracting. I think, you know, I was quite athletic in my youth and dancing and things like that. And, even now just walking, it’s constantly, jump, jump, jumping. It still thinks it’s a back muscle. You know. So I don’t know if I’ve been given the right physiotherapy. I mean I’ve got a list like this to