Interview 07

Age at interview: 56

Brief Outline:

Has attended for routine breast screening since around age 50. Has had a benign cyst, which was aspirated twice. Mammogram results have been normal.

Background:

A full-time writer. Married with 2 adult children.

She was terrified before her first mammogram and looked for more information.

The first screening was just after I was 50 so that was 6 years ago and I was absolutely terrified [laughing] and waiting for the results seemed like an eternity. And that was okay, that was clear. It wasn't painful, slightly uncomfortable, and I was surprised because so people had said, "ooh, it hurts."

I didn't know what to expect and I'd just lost 2 very good friends to breast cancer within the previous few months. And one of them had said to me "whatever you do, you must always go for a screening when you're called." And the other one had said to me "oh, I've been called for breast screening but I can't be bothered, I haven't got time." 

She had breast cancer? 

She did and it went undetected until it was too late, yes. 

So when you talked with her, what were her reasons for not going?

She was too busy. 'I've never had anything wrong with me' she would say 'so there won't be anything wrong now, why should I worry?' It didn't do her any good [laughing].

So you were a bit frightened that it might be diagnosed? 

Oh yes, oh I felt sure it would be. Oh yes, I became totally self-centred, totally focused on breast cancer. I found out everything I could possibly find out about it. I was absolutely convinced that obviously I would have it. 

This was even before the mammogram?

Yes, yes [laughing]. 

She felt anxious waiting for the results of the first mammogram but is now more relaxed whilst...

While you were waiting the very first time, how did you feel when you were waiting for the results, did you think about it a lot or?

Oh, I was obsessed with it, absolutely obsessed. Because they did say to me that it takes a few weeks, well a few weeks for me, by the end of the first week I was already watching the post. So, as I said, I was totally obsessed with it. I mean, I'm not any more. If it happens to me, it happens to me and I shall have treatment and hope for the best but at that point, no I drove the entire family mad.  I was phoning home from my office every morning, "is there any post for me?" 

So did they know you were worried about the results...?

Yes, yes [laughing] 

What were your expectations of the results?

Oh, I felt sure there would be something disastrously wrong. And when it came I kept thinking, oh the letter says there's nothing to worry about, "no need for further action" or some such phrase. I kept thinking, it's too good to be true. And then, of course, I had to unwind, didn't I? Because I'd got so uptight with all this self-imposed worry. 

So the first time you were really anxious when you were waiting for the results, how about the second time? 

I was quite blas' about it [laughing]. They'll come when they come and whatever they are, they are. 

And that was because you'd done so much more reading and? 

Yes, and also because I know that having had the mammogram half way through the 3 year span of time, if it does turn out that there's something there, it hasn't had too long to get a hold.

And how about this time, this waiting for results, how is it? 

Yes, I'm not too, I mean I know I shall be a little bit nervous when I open the envelope just in case there's something in it, something I don't want to see. But no, I'm not too worried. 

A lump turned out to be a cyst and was aspirated several times.

And then all of a sudden was that lump. The lump turned out to be a cyst and that involved another mammogram, which I had done privately, which wasn't painful at all. And they just, they put a needle in and aspirated the cyst so that got rid of that. And that kept recurring, it came back 2 or 3 times and they kept having to aspirate it. 

It was just a lump and I noticed it and I thought, 'oh', so I phoned my doctor, got an appointment fairly quickly. And I think I got the appointment within 2 days and by the second day, the day I saw her, it was fairly obvious to me, from all the stuff I'd learned, I thought it's got to be a cyst because nothing is going to grow that quickly. Because in those 2 days it was, I don't know, I mean it sort of felt like it was about 1 1/2 - 2 inches across. 

And how did it feel when you touched it? 

It was becoming very painful, simply because in a confined space there is nowhere for it to go. But oddly enough, I felt terribly calm about it because I felt I'd learned all I could learn and that 99% of all lumps are absolutely nothing. And this had all the typical symptoms of a cyst, as defined by umpteen Internet sites. And by the time, my doctor hand wrote a letter, I went straight to a surgeon 3 days later by which time I didn't have to show him where the lump was because it was bulging out against my bra. And he said "ah," he said, "well you will have to have another mammogram just to be sure" but he said "I'm certain it's a cyst." Now that mammogram did not hurt in any way whatsoever, very slightly uncomfortable but absolutely no pain at all. 

Where did you have that one?   

At the [private hospital]. So that was, again, very strange, yes. And then that lump was aspirated, that was done with a needle. I wanted an anaesthetic and the surgeon roared with laughter and he said to me "by the time I give you an anaesthetic, I'll have done this and the anaesthetic will hurt more than taking the fluid out." And as he said that, he did it and it was done. And I could see it happening, he had, he had it on an ultra-sound screen and he had the ultra-sound thing and I could see this lump shrivelling up. It was quite amazing. 

Was worried before her first mammogram in case cancer was detected, and wanted more information.

What things had you read beforehand? Was it about screening or was it mainly about breast cancer? 

It was mainly about breast cancer because I became completely obsessed with it, even though I had no signs of it. 

What kinds of things did you want to know? What were you really wanting to find out? 

How quickly it would kill me, if I had it. How quickly it would spread to other parts of the body, how it would effect me. What the treatments might be, where I might go for them. Was I in a prime area for good treatment? Would I be taking long-term drugs, would they make me put on weight. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with my weight but I'm very careful not to weigh too much because of my back; so it's better to be lighter. 

She is no longer on HRT, which might have caused her cysts, and can live with her mild hot flushes.

He related it [cysts] to Hormone Replacement Therapy and said it is very common with that, which I didn't know. I've been on it for 10 years and hadn't really worried about it. 

So when did you start the HRT?  When you were about ...? 

When I was 45 and I've just come off it. 

And how do you feel now?

Absolutely wonderful and half a stone lighter [laughing]. 

So when you went on the HRT were there symptoms that you were having, menopausal symptoms, hot flushes...?

Yes, yes, yes.   

And how did the HRT help?  

Well, it didn't stop the hot flushes but I had various other funny symptoms, which it did control. Yes, it was good while I was on it and then my doctor said to me a few weeks ago, "you've been on it 10 years, it's time you thought about life without it. And you should be through all that by now anyway." So, I never got rid of the hot flushes while I was on it and I still get the hot flushes now but I'm so used to them, so I don't worry about it.