Interview 29
Age at interview: 23
Age at diagnosis: 17
Brief Outline: In 1998 diagnosed with a rare form of soft tissue cancer called Peripheral Neuroectodermal Tumour found in her spine. She has five cycles of chemotherapy followed by thirty sessions of radiotherapy. Tumour dormant.
Background: Lives with her family and studies full time at university. She and a friend set up an internet forum for teenagers experiencing cancer and their siblings. She support the work of several teenage cancer charities.
More about me...
Feels that GPs should consider serious diagnosis earlier, even if it is unlikely because the...
Feels that GPs should consider serious diagnosis earlier, even if it is unlikely because the...
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Her consultant, who used the terms 'mass' and 'tumour', seemed reluctant to say 'cancer'.
Her consultant, who used the terms 'mass' and 'tumour', seemed reluctant to say 'cancer'.
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That - I sort of - I think about this, who actually said that I had cancer, and I don't actually remember anyone saying, you know, the cancer word. My mum came back and she said, "The doctor says they've found a mass", you know you just, you don't really think, well, "What is a mass?" I went to - when I eventually went to hospital it became a tumour. Again, you know, what's a tumour? And then I saw a social worker came down, a social worker when I was on the young oncology unit. She came down and she said she was from Sergeant Cancer Care. And I kind of looked at her and I was like, "Well I don't have cancer, why do I need to see this woman?" And I think she was the first person that made me realise that I actually had cancer. You know, I was in a cancer hospital, and I knew that I was going to have chemotherapy, but even then it was kind of, well, you know, it's a tumour; it's a mass, it's not - And people won't, still won't say cancer. It's - I don't know. For some reason it's like the hardest word for people to say. And it's not really that bad a word to say'
So your doctor at the hospital didn't explain to you?
No. No, he said it was a tumour. He explained, you know, he explained what - that it could be a lymphoma, or it could be a sarcoma. He didn't explain what a sarcoma or a lymphoma was. He - you know, he never explained. It was always a tumour, or a mass, or a growth, you know, and they never said it was cancerous or - or they'd say malignant, you know' But when you're seventeen you're not really kind of sure - you understand the word cancer, but you don't understand malignancy or... you know, you just don't understand that kind of thing.
She talks about the consequences of a late diagnosis and feels angry with her GP.
She talks about the consequences of a late diagnosis and feels angry with her GP.
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Received six weeks of radiotherapy after her chemotherapy failed to control her cancer.
Received six weeks of radiotherapy after her chemotherapy failed to control her cancer.
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Can you explain in more detail what he did, how many sessions of radiotherapy?
Well the tumour was still quite large. So I had six weeks of radiotherapy. You have it five days a week, so that's like thirty radiotherapies, and first of all, when you go in for your radiotherapy, you go into like a, a simulator, where they simulate. And they put little drawings all over you, where they're going to zap you. And they give you a little tattoo, just a little ink and a pinprick, and it shows where they're going to direct it, but it's just like an x-ray really. You just lie on the bed, and it's all nice and'
Compares her first consultant to the second one, who seemed to have more experience in treating...
Compares her first consultant to the second one, who seemed to have more experience in treating...
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I remember sort of feeling frustrated with my adult consultant, because I never thought he really listened to me. He always- whenever he wanted to talk to me, or about the treatment, he always talked to my Mum, or he took my Mum outside, or he talked to my Dad. He never talked to me. It was always, you know, "How is she?" or - it was so - I don't know. I guess I wasn't really hearing him when he was saying that because I just, I didn't kind of believe him and I didn't want to believe that they weren't going to do anything else 'cause - I don't know, it was just, just - It was quite scary hearing him say that, but my Mum- I don't think my Mum was going to let him do that, so I kind of trusted my Mum not to let it happen.
So your mum sort of found'?
Yeah, my mum, yeah, she went and she sorted it out, as mum's do [laughs].
The consultant that I eventually got, Dr was just the most amazing doctor I've ever had. He, he sat me down and he explained everything. And he didn't brush off any fears, he - I think, because he had so much experience with people of my age, he could understand what people were scared of and he explained that like, you know, if the chemotherapy hadn't sort of killed off all my, my being able to have a child and all that, this radiotherapy probably would, because it was that area. So he explained all the side-effects. He explained what could happen, what might happen. And he said, you know, if I ever have any problems his door was open. I could just go and see him and he'd sort out what he could.
Her doctor referred to hair loss as 'temporary alopecia' and she didn't know what he was talking...
Her doctor referred to hair loss as 'temporary alopecia' and she didn't know what he was talking...
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Yeah, well, what he actually said, the consultant that I can remember, he said, "You may experience some mild, temporary alopecia", and I didn't have a clue what he was on about, and I, before I had the whole cancer experience, I always thought it was people getting cancer that made their hair fall out. I didn't know it was the treatment. So that's why I think that's why I was kind of - well, "I haven't got cancer; I've got hair". So he said, "You'll experience mild, temporary alopecia, and we'll give you a wig". And you just look at the wig - the woman who came up - she had this shopping trolley full of wigs, and they were all for like old people, because she worked with old people. And they were the most horrible things I've ever seen in my life, and it was just it - And I always think it's a bit cruel at [hospital] because when I was on chemo they had this woman and she had the longest hair I'd ever seen in my life. I thought that was a bit mean [laughs].
For young people their confidence and the way they look is very much related to the way they...
For young people their confidence and the way they look is very much related to the way they...
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Yeah, it is, because you - you're not at all confident really anymore, really. Some people might be, but the majority of the people that I know kind of come out of the chemotherapy - and I think that when you're a teenager a lot of how confident you are is related to how - the way that you look, and the way you think people perceive you. And if you go out shopping on your own, and you've got no hair, and you're really skinny - people are going to look at you - most people don't look at a teenager and think, "Oh they've had cancer. That's why they've got no hair". You know, they'll look at some skinny, shaven headed person and think, "Oh they're on drugs" you know, and you kind of know that, and you - you realise the way people perceive you and it's just quite bad really.
Because just being around other young people, and knowing you're not the only one is so, like, worthwhile. Because if you go out, or you walk down the street, or you walk round the shops or whatever, you feel like you're the only person with cancer, or who's had cancer. But sat in a room or like at the cancer conferences sat with two hundred people, you realise you're far from the only one that's going through this, or that's had that disease.
So it's had, kind of, it reinforces you, it makes you stronger?
I've been to the last three conferences they've had - the Teenage Cancer Trust, and they are the most amazing experiences ever. Because you're in a room with, like, two or three hundred people who know exactly how you're feeling, and who know ex- they've got the same fears you've got, they've got the same problems, they've had the same every thoughts, they -they - it's just like the most empowering thing, because you are - you're not different, really. You're exactly the same as those people. And at the end of the night you go to the bar, you get up and you dance, and you dance a bit funny because your leg doesn't really work, but you can guarantee that there's fifty other people in that room who are feeling exactly the same. You know, there are people there with legs and arms missing, and eyes missing, and no hair, but nobody stares at them. Nobody even sort of takes a second glance, because that's what's normal, really, in that world.
Said that her boyfriend is one of her closest friends, together with a girlfriend who also had...
Said that her boyfriend is one of her closest friends, together with a girlfriend who also had...
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I don't really have too many friends. I have - like one of my friends - I don't know - I consider myself close to her, but and she was one of my friends when I was younger. She was like my best friend, all the way through high school, but she's like teaching English in Japan now, so I don't - obviously I don't see her too much. But she's one of my closest friends. One of my - a good friends of mine is another one that I was in school with. She was quite a good friend at school. But she had a baby, so she has different interests again. I have my boyfriend who I'm really close to. He's a good friend, obviously. But...
How long have you been together?
We've only been together for, probably like five months. I was with - before this boyfriend I was with someone who I went to school with, and you know, after I had chemotherapy we started dating. And I don't know, because again he'd kind of, known me before, but I'm a completely - really different person than I was in school. It does change you like that. But like at university I'm still kind of nervous of going out and, you know, because people still don't really understand. And they'll you know, walk places, and I'm too kind of embarrassed to say I can't walk. You know I can't walk very far. I'm quite good friends with a girl I met through the house we set up in London, the Sergeant. And I didn't know but she's started studying at Manchester at the same time I did, and I just met her in the street one day, and we keep in touch now. You know, we'll go out, and she'll say to me, "Are you sure you're all right? We'll get a taxi. The bus is just here, we don't have to walk if you don't want. We can stop, if you want we can sit down". And she had a completely different cancer to mine. I don't know what she had, but hers - she wasn't disabled in anyway. I think she still gets tired, the normal cancer after effects, but she wasn't physically disabled but yeah, she's really, really good, because like, being around her, she can say - and she's a bit more bossy than I am, so she'll kind of say, "Look no. We can't do that". So'
And with your boyfriend, when you just started - how did you explain to him your experience?
I don't know. I just kind of said to him that I should probably tell you I didn't kind of know how he's react. I don't know whether I expected him to react negatively or not but I knew that I had to kind of tell him, and that I had to tell him about the disability and about not being able to have children, kind of all that stuff, because I wanted to get it all out straight away. I didn't want anything to go any further and then have to tell him, you know, stuff like that, but I think he actually thinks more of me, that he knows what I've been through, and things like that.
Don't be patronising!
Don't be patronising!
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So in other words they should take care of the language?
Yeah, I think doctors should look at the way they speak to people. You might get - you know they might go and see some teenager who can understand all the words they're using, but most of the time, you know, we are too ill to even think about what that word means, so they should come and they should explain it - not that they - they should be careful to not explain it, you know, too babyish, you know we want to be talked to as equals. We don't want to be talked to like we're children really.