Covid-19 in the community

Your dad is like you have your own child. It’s your blood, you know. You do things for him even though you know you’re going to get it you know. I was not worried that I’m going to get sick or what. What I wanted was my dad to get better, you know. So I would wash him, I would do, you know. I would shave him, I would give him food, you know. And he would breathe on me even though I’m wearing a mask or not, you know. He would do all of those things. And then and then and because I knew he had Covid, I knew already that I’m not going to go anywhere outside, you know.

No, I’d, I didn’t think twice about it, I just went, and I had said, you know, “if you need me, ring me” and my mum, you know, my mum did ring me, and I was the only person basically they would ring. And I knew that because I live on my own, I wouldn’t have been putting anybody else at risk.

I knew when I was with my parents, I was likely to get it because I’d been up so close particularly with my dad, you know, because you have to get close to him, a) to feed him and give him his medication but [b)] also because he can’t hear you. So, we’re both shouting at each other, which increases the chance of, you know, air transmission, through the air so to me I thought it was almost inevitable to be honest.

And often people make those decisions with their heart rather than, you know, rather thinking about them, they’re instinctive sometimes and then when you’ve done it once, you think, ‘Oh I’ve done it once therefore I might as well do it again,’ you know.

We finally sorted out the transport and what we were, you know, what funeral arrangements, where he’s going to get buried and all that sort of aspects. So then when the funeral happened we, it was the Friday after I believe and again that was, you know, I was still in [place] then and then had to go up to the up to London for the funeral. And again it was just like, the feeling that I think your mind, where okay, I should, and it sounds bad for me saying it now, but it’s more like, should I really be exposing myself my wife and my daughter to this and then sort of like wait a minute he he’s my nephew we need to be showing support, you know.

My dad’s sister’s son passed away. He had cancer already. He had cancer for about four or five years and then this Covid just come into it and then apparently he got the Covid. He died as well. ‘Cos everything was lockdown, we couldn't even go. So, we didn’t go that was, that caused a lot of problems between my dad and his sister [laugh].

My granddad was really, really ill. And then there were a couple of, there were a couple of days when various family members had to go and look after my grandma. And there was just no, you know, there were no two ways about it, you know, at the time. Whether or not it was allowed or legal or whatever. You know, my granddad was dying. Thank, thankfully, at home, you know, which is a real blessing. But my grandma was there by herself and she wouldn't, you know, she, she can’t manage by herself and so we would kind of take it in shifts to go and kind of look after her and make sure she was eating.

We always social distance and we haven’t hugged or anything like that but when I was there, you know, I did hold my dad’s hand and that kind of thing and when we left him at any time or when I left, when I went over he’d always want to touch you because he couldn’t see you, you know, just touch your hand as a way of saying goodbye, you know, and to me, I wouldn’t have been able to say no to that, you know, that but that was my choice you know. But I suppose I was potentially putting him at risk as much as vice versa so it’s a really but as you say everyone has their own, their own assessment of risk, their own threshold, their own priorities when they’re risk assessing and so forth.

But, in that time, Covid set aside and everything else, my mother-in-law then we had loads of phone calls from the hospital. They needed to and wanted to discharge her, despite her being really poorly. She lives on her own so she couldn’t go back to her own place. They were going to send her back to her own house and we said, “Well, you know, you can’t do that. She can’t look after herself and she’ll end back up in hospital.” So, she came to stay with us, and she stayed with us for a month and, again, from my personal experience, she was very poorly still when she came to stay with us. We were very concerned all of us, of course, still passing Covid onto her, me still going into work and yeah, it was a tough time.

We, like many set up a family Zoom quiz once a month. And with anywhere, it was anywhere between say 12 and 25 participants. And we’ve kept those up and I think although it’s, it’s unsaid, I still feel like I’m the younger generation where we are my generation and the generation below me, we’re all keeping it up for the benefit of the oldies to be absolutely honest. You know, we could face the, us youngsters in our 50s we’ve been happily Facetime with each other whenever we like. We don’t need to have anything organised. But it’s to give the older generation in our family a sense of involvement and being able to see everybody on the screen and see that everybody’s okay, ‘cos that’s what they really care about most. And we’ve also what I often do, in fact yesterday so it’s probably, it’s another four weeks. We had a Zoom quiz yesterday from one of the cousins, was 60th birthday we had a sort of an online cocktail party as well. We all made the same cocktail to celebrate with him in Australia. But I think after those occasions my aunt feels a bit flat, you know, ‘cos she’s locked, locked down and can’t see her kids. Can’t see her nephews and nieces or whatever. So, you know, I sent her some online articles about stuff we’d ended up discussing on the call. Just so there’s something else to keep engaged and socialised and I know I will get a really nice email back. She’d have read the articles, thought them interesting or even if she didn’t, she’ll pretend that she did. You know, it keeps her involved and it gives her yeah, that continued engagement with not just ‘cos it’s family, but with the outside world.

My sister-in-law and myself, due in September and October, so the plan was that mum was going to come from May and then stay until our babies were going to be born but then because there was like all the restrictions, this that, mum couldn’t come. She missed my sister’s birth in May. So she missed her having her son. And then because we were unsure we kind of planned to be without her, if that makes sense. And then come September, first week of September, my mum did come because it kind of eased, at that point, in August. So she did come and it was all a palaver because we had, you know, the whole flying over, the getting, when she’d done the test, she got to the airport and they said, “You didn’t have it done by the right clinic.” So she actually go on and change her flight so, you know, it was all very stressful. So even something that, the fact that it was great that she was making it for my nephew’s birth but it was just the added stress. Is she going to? Is she not going to? And then she stopped, because there was a stopover in Turkey, their rules for flying were different and there was online forms that should have been filled before she boarded that she didn’t know. No one told us that, when you book the flights, no one tells you. So there was all this stuff and that was really stressing. And then she made it for that though. So she made it for my nephew’s birth and she made it for my son’s birth.