Cervical Cancer
Talking to children about cervical cancer
It can be difficult for parents to know when and what to tell young children and teenagers about cancer. Knowing how much information to give children, wanting to protect them from distress, and worrying about how they will react can be challenging.
Many mothers of young children decided not to tell their children that they had cancer. Instead, they told them they had to go to hospital to have some treatment, or an operation to make them better because they were not well, or that something was wrong with their tummy.
One woman explained that she got advice about what to tell her children who were aged 4 and 5 and that they accepted what she told them.
She told her younger children that something was wrong with her tummy and she had to go to the hospital to make it better, her teenage daughter chose not to discuss it.
She told her younger children that something was wrong with her tummy and she had to go to the hospital to make it better, her teenage daughter chose not to discuss it.
When I went up for the planning day, the nurses up there were great, they really were and they told me about the sort of things I should do or shouldn't do as the case may be. And I asked them what I should tell my children. And they said "Well how old are they?" and I said "the younger two are 4 and 5 and the eldest one is 16," and she said "Well what do you want to tell them? And I said "I would like to tell them a little bit because obviously I'm going to be disappearing every day to come up for my radiotherapy treatment and later on I'm going to have to have some surgery," and at that stage they'd said hysterectomy but I really wasn't quite sure exactly what that entailed. And she said "Well for the younger two just answer their questions, just tell that you've got to have, that you've got something wrong with your tummy and you've got to, the doctor said that you need to have some treatment at the hospital, something done at the hospital to make it better." And I said "Will that be enough?" and she said "At that age that's probably as much as they need to know and if they want to know more they will ask." And as it happened that was quite a good bit of advice, you don't need to go into all the ins and outs with very young children. If they need to know more they will ask and you can, you can be open and honest with them without lying to them, without frightening them. It's very difficult to get that happy balance but we seemed to manage to do that. My eldest daughter again was very, she didn't really want to know too much about it so we sort of more or less agreed not to speak about it.
What do you think was the impact on your children?
The younger two at the time, children are very bright, they know when something is going on, but by the same token they're very adaptable and they're very resilient. And they were okay as long as we tried to keep their routine as normal as possible.
Some mothers of older children told their children that they had cancer but reassured them that everything was going to be fine. One woman told her children, aged 9 and 11, immediately because she wanted them to understand what was happening and why the family were suddenly getting visitors.
She described how her children reacted in different ways.
Mothers of teenage children often worried about the impact that their illness had on them. One woman whose daughter was taking her GCSEs was worried about the effect it would have on her but explained that she passed with top grades.
Another, who was a single parent, was worried about how her teenage daughter would cope and explains that her daughter became protective of her.
Describes her reasons for believing that young people can cope better than you would expect.
Describes her reasons for believing that young people can cope better than you would expect.
A single parent describes how she discovered how concerned her daughter was through what she had said to others.
A single parent describes how she discovered how concerned her daughter was through what she had said to others.
So it was a terrible time and it was a terrible time for my daughter who is 15, going through the beginnings of her GCSEs, scared that Mummy was going to die, single child, what's going to happen you know. And we have such a close relationship that whatever I didn't say she felt. And she took it, as most children do, they get very responsible for their parents which isn't right. And I remember there's a lady who's in her 80s now who met [my daughter] on a bus and she came up to me the next day and she said "You know [my daughter] is very worried about you, she told me about what's wrong and she's very concerned." And [my daughter] doesn't normally, you know we get on really well with the woman but she wouldn't normally go telling her. And she didn't tell me so really that time was terrible, it was a punishment.
Sometimes women found that their children did not want to talk to them about their illness.
One explained how she gave her teenage son a book about cancer but he didn't want to discuss his feelings with her.
Another said her teenage daughter didn't want to know too much about her illness and they agreed not to speak about it (see above and interview 06).
A third mentioned that one of her sons, a teenager at the time, found it difficult to talk to her about her illness.
Explains that she was worried because her teenage son didn't want to talk to her about his feelings.
Explains that she was worried because her teenage son didn't want to talk to her about his feelings.
And since then do you know what impact it did have on him?
He doesn't tell me, he doesn't tell me, he doesn't. He did cry once. When I went to hospital for the internal radiotherapy, he did cry that day but it was, that was the only time he cried in front of me, I don't know if he cried not in front of me, that was the only time. But he didn't talk with me, nothing. I did get him a book, there was, that lady who was with the doctor when they told me I had cancer, she was from the MacMillan. And she sent me a book for him to read you know for a child, for children, and I did gave him the book and I said 'Do you want me to read it with you?' And he said 'No.' So I said to him 'OK you read and if you want to ask anything, just ask me and I will explain. But he didn't ask me anything.
Resources for talking to children about cancer may be found in our ‘Resources and Information’ section.
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