Ada
Ada and her husband have three young children (A ten-year-old daughter and two boys). Her husband is a tutor and Ada looks after their children and is heavily involved in her community. They live together with her husband’s parents. Ethnicity: British Pakistani.
Ada got Covid in early 2020 and began showing signs of Long Covid, which she thinks were exacerbated after getting her vaccine in June 2021. Each time she has had a vaccine, her symptoms get worse. Ada feels as if she is ‘a completely different person’ and has struggled mentally with the change. She’s no longer able to be as involved in her children’s lives or as active in her community. However, she feels that Ramadan has helped her to heal mentally, and she is trying to focus on what she can do now rather than what she used to be able to do. Ada was interviewed in May 2022.
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Ada caught Covid in early 2020. Ada suspects that her Long Covid “symptoms were exacerbated” after she had the vaccine in June 2021, because catching “Covid itself had drained me.” Ada’s family members all bounced back within ten days to two weeks, but she did not. She feels that “quite instantly” after having the vaccine she started feeling extremely lethargic, suffering migraines and losing her appetite. She says that the most significant change was her peers and friends at the gym and her personal trainer noticing that she was struggling. Ada felt that this was probably due to Covid “taking a toll.”
Ada was also getting some shoulder pain and assumed that she’d pulled a muscle from too much housework during lockdown. After she had spoken to a doctor about Covid, however, Ada was told by the doctor that “lots of patients” had been mentioning shoulder pain or chest pain, and as a result Ada decided it was probably down to that and to wait a while to recover. The shoulder pain kept on, however, as did the feeling of being, “completely lethargic and losing interest.”
On advice, and her own judgement, she went for a booster jab a few months later, following which her symptoms “only got worse.” She had another booster vaccine in January of the following year, which she feels left her “with a lot of pain in my knees, in my joints, my ankles and my back.” She says she cannot even go for a walk due to experiencing an immense amount of pain in her knees. Ada describes needing to call an ambulance after one booster jab, after suffering possible heart attack or blood clot symptoms. She says, “I feel bad having to call the paramedics, knowing what’s going on. But then at the end of the day, I don’t ever want to neglect it.”
She made another appointment with her GP, and when the nurse asked her how her life had changed since having Covid, Ada broke down and said that it’s “just as if I’m a completely different person.” The nurse was very understanding and told Ada that she was “not alone, there’s lots of people struggling.” Ada found this helpful and felt some reassurance and relief at hearing these words from a health professional. The nurse also pointed Ada towards information about chronic fatigue and Long Covid.
Ada describes herself as a person who had “no medical problems on paper” and says that in life she’s generally been “the last one to get ill” amongst her family and friends. She has always “mustered through” illness, but now after Covid it’s like she can now “feel every ache and pain.” She has struggled with insomnia and has gained some weight. She feels depressed, anxious and “constantly worried” and it has been a horrible experience because she knows she shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
Ada comes from a large Muslim family and was a well-known person in her community. Prior to catching Covid she was a very social person, organising social events and days out, and volunteering for things. She says, “I was always one of those people who would be at the forefront with the most energy.” However, now she has withdrawn from social gatherings and meetings, and she reports that her friends have told her that she “doesn’t look well.” At one stage Ada felt herself barely able to get out of bed, answer phone calls, or speak to or visit her parents. “I would just about greet my kids, give them their food, come back up[stairs].” Ada’s husband was left to watch the kids and run the house.
Ada’s children are concerned for her and don’t like to disturb her when she is resting or beg their mum to do things in case it’s “too much for her.” She feels doesn’t have as much energy for her children anymore, and feels she has “missed out so much,” when it comes to spending time with her children. Her in-laws – who live with them in a separate but connected flat – have helped hugely with looking after them. Ada feels extremely lucky to have such a supportive family and network of people around her.
Ada’s GP has told her that she has Long Covid, and she is medically registered as having it. Her GP also thinks that she may be depressed, and that Covid may have led her into the depression. Ada says that she was prescribed some antidepressants, but she did not take them; she says she was tempted but is happy she didn’t.
One thing that recently helped Ada heal mentally was Ramadan. She says it really helped her “anxiety abate.” She says that “just being able to go to the mosque and meditate and be there was amazing.” The family had quiet and relaxed Eid celebrations this year compared with previous years, but this still left her feeling exhausted.
Ada says that she despises the words “Long Covid” because she “doesn’t know what they mean. It’s like this dark hole. You’re saying something that is so alien to me.” Ada says that she is only very recently just “beginning to find” herself again, some months after her last booster jab. She says that Ramadan helped uplift her mood, and that her going to prayer at the mosque on the morning of the interview gave her enough boost to be able to do this interview with the researcher. She has also recently been to the gym with a friend and is not going to look back at what she used to be able to physically do but focus on what she can do now.
Ada described one day when she felt “I’m back, I know who I am.” She has been able to go to Friday prayer, one of the things she really valued.
Ada described one day when she felt “I’m back, I know who I am.” She has been able to go to Friday prayer, one of the things she really valued.
So, I’m beginning to find myself. I am doing much, much, much better. I think, for me, Ramadan was, I remember standing washing up and I was like, “I’m back.” Oh my god, she’s back like I love it. I know who I am. This is what I was trying to find. I’ve found it. I went up to a friend and I saw her because she had one, you know, we opened our fast at her house and I said, “I think I’m back.” I started laughing and she goes to me, “You will be tested again. Come on you’re in this whole rut. We all are. We’ll go back to normal.” And all of a sudden she goes, “Just try and do one or two things and try and keep to them, consistently. Whatever it is that’s going to pick you up. Whatever it’s going to give you that boost. But keep to it.” For example, as I mentioned earlier, I went to the Friday prayer today, that’s who I am. And I go, I reset myself and I try and find the energy for the rest of the day.
Yeah, I’m still exerted. Yeah, I’m still exhausted and shattered. Probably am going to nap later. I probably will snap up. But knowing I’m so much better than doing that then from being in bed all day every day, being miserable and headachy and a completely different person. So, yes, it’s having a conversation with you it’s like you don’t know how much miles I’ve come away from that. Am I 100 percent, no. I’m not 100 percent. But, again, I do know the tools to try and pick myself up. Try and go back to the gym. Try and, you know, watch my diet and all the external factors that would help me. I’m definitely looking into that. I’m hopeful that it’s going to be slow, but I’m going to get there. I’m going to get there [laughs]. [Pause] But you won’t find me queuing up for a vaccine [laughs].
Ada experienced overwhelming depression and anxiety after being vaccinated. This impacted her relationships with her husband and children. She said each time she had the vaccine “it messed me up”.
Ada experienced overwhelming depression and anxiety after being vaccinated. This impacted her relationships with her husband and children. She said each time she had the vaccine “it messed me up”.
So, I would definitely say the symptoms were exacerbated from the time I took the vaccine because the Covid itself had drained me. Again, my family members some, some people bounced back within a couple of weeks, ten days, two weeks. It just felt that I was, I was always extremely tired, extremely tired. But it was not that long after that I actually had the vaccine when I was like, “Oh god. Now it’s instead of making me feel a little bit better in myself, this is awful.” Everything was exaggerated. And I did feel depressed, and I felt anxious. And I was constantly worried. And it, it, it was horrible. It was a horrible experience because I knew within myself it’s like, I, I don’t have anything to worry about that I have constantly have this worry. I constantly have this feeling. I was always anxious. My mood, like I said with my, in my marriage it affected, definitely affected my relationship with my children. I withdrew myself from social gatherings, meetings. It really changed the person I was.
And now I feel I was just so vulnerable, and I was just so, all of a sudden, I felt, god, it’s like I’m not, I’ve not been known to be an ill person, but that’s how I feel, I constantly feel ill. I think then when I had my booster in September if I remember correctly oh dear lord, it only got worse. It got worse. And then come wintertime which is generally a time where people might get depressed in winter anyway. It was awful. I would, I wouldn't get out of bed. I would just about greet my kids. Give them their food. Come back up. My husband was doing all of, you know, trying to watch the kids and to kind of run the house. And I normally go and see my parents at least once a month or what have you, you know, outside of Covid restrictions anyway. And they were like, “Come on, Ada, you’re always on it. You’re always meeting up and you know, we want to hear.” It was just, “No, no, don’t answer calls. Don’t want to speak to anyone. I don’t want to; I don’t want to talk.” It just felt like a place where I’m like, I don’t understand what this is.
Again, I tried to go to my doctor, “You have Long Covid.” “Okay, what shall I do about it? Where do I go? What do I do?” And I’m not one of those people who were looking into all of these, you know, is it real? Is it not? I’m 100% that Covid is real. And I was definitely, you know, go for vaccine. Go for it. Absolutely fine. Didn’t look into all of these, you know, online theories that oh god, it might be. And then it came to a point where I felt, actually I don’t know if it’s in my head, but I do feel worse when I had the vaccine. Each time I have it, it messes me up. Maybe it doesn't sit right with my balances. I don’t know if it’s hormonal or the way I feel. It just doesn't sit right with me whatsoever. But equally, medically, I was advised that because you have Long Covid, you are now registered as Long Covid. You need to take it and you will feel worse before you get better.
Ada would normally go and see her parents at least once a month, but now she didn’t want to speak to anyone.
Ada would normally go and see her parents at least once a month, but now she didn’t want to speak to anyone.
And now I feel I was just so vulnerable and I was just so, all of a sudden I felt, god, it’s like I’m not, I’ve not been known to be an ill person, but that’s how I feel, I constantly feel ill. I think then when I had my booster in September if I remember correctly oh dear lord, it only got worse. It got worse. And then come winter-time which is generally a time where people might get depressed in winter anyway. It was awful. I would, I wouldn't get out of bed. I would just about greet my kids. Give them their food. Come back up.
My husband was doing all of, you know, trying to watch the kids and to kind of run the house. And I normally go and see my parents at least once a month or what have you, you know, outside of Covid restrictions anyway. And they were like, “Come on, Ada, you’re always on it. You’re always meeting up and you know, we want to hear.” It was just, “No, no, don’t answer calls. Don’t want to speak to anyone. I don’t want to, I don’t want to talk.” It just felt like a place where I’m like, I don’t understand what this is.