Sharifa
Sharifa developed Covid symptoms in 2021, and realised that she was feeling even worse after coming out of self-isolation. Sharifa lost her husband to Covid, and some of her daughters also have Long Covid. Sharifa was interviewed in July 2022.
Sharifa is a 48-year-old widow living with her seven daughters aged 27, 23, 21, 17, 16, 14 and 11, some of whom also have Long Covid. Ethnicity: British Pakistani.
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After she finished isolating for five days, Sharifa felt that her symptoms were getting worse and worse. She was out of breath, felt fatigued, and had trouble sleeping. Sharifa had an underlying neurological condition so became worried and called her doctor, who referred her to a Long Covid clinic. Sharifa still hasn’t heard anything back from the clinic since being referred. The only advice Sharifa had was that she might recover in 5-6 months, but she didn’t find this helpful.
Sharifa’s husband also developed Covid symptoms but was isolating in his room so he didn’t tell his family that he was experiencing breathlessness, but was later hospitalised. Sharifa and her two teenage daughters found it hard going in and out of hospital to visit him while they were also experiencing Long Covid symptoms. Through it all, Sharifa’s husband tried to keep them positive, and Sharifa has tried to keep their daughters feeling this way. Sharifa felt that it’s hard to get better when you’re being dragged down mentally, and it becomes difficult to focus. Sharifa’s husband died from Covid in hospital.
After her husband’s death Sharifa had to manage the house finances and found it hard to take on this responsibility. On top of this, Sharifa developed anxiety and panic attacks. She found that working as a team with her daughters was helpful, and hoped that it would help with their recovery too. Sharifa didn’t want her daughters to see her cry, so she spent more time praying and felt that this gave her both hope and confidence. She felt having support from people who loved her gave her even more confidence and that this confidence became happiness.
Some of Sharifa’s daughters also developed Long Covid symptoms. Sharifa found it stressful trying to get a letter from her GP so one of her daughters could get reasonable adjustments at school. Sharifa tells her daughters to never give up, and thinks this is an important message to give to others with Long Covid too. Even when things get difficult, Sharifa recommends trying different methods until something works. It’s important to be mentally and spiritually strong, so that the body can heal.
Sharifa’s family relied on each other to support one another through Long Covid, especially after the death of their father from Covid-19.
Sharifa’s family relied on each other to support one another through Long Covid, especially after the death of their father from Covid-19.
Literally, I said to you, it’s like lectures, and that sort of gave us a lot of building up as well [inaudible] and that is healthy you know mentally-wise, so they started doing that and they... yeah, that was a big thing for them as well, then... yeah, it helped them a lot then, but it helped me more and then allowed to help the girls, so... because I think if you feel it more, you're going to feel yourself more down that’s what I felt that experience, so I needed to let the kids know this as well, ‘look girls, we need to get on, I know you've got symptoms, I know you're not well, your father’s passed away as well, I'm not say... because all of you are experiencing different... in your own way, so we need to be as a teamwork, help each other out and this is how we'll come out of it.’
So, we were dealing with two things: with the Long Covid symptom as well and then with my husband’s death as well, that’s the only thing I will... you know that came to my mind and like you know that we tried to sort of cope with this. And maybe my story would have been different with just Covid, coping with the Covid symptoms, our story would have been different, but because we're dealing with a loved one going as well so it was like a big mission for us, so we were dealing with like two different things the Long Covid and Covid, and then a person going, really because of the Covid as well, so yeah, that was...Yeah, like a mixed thing for us, like a big bundle of something for us that we had to overcome through doing... doing different things that we had to do as a teamwork. I said, ‘look, we have to do teamwork, I know you're not feeling well, [daughter],’ I know they're sat there, because they was stressing me out as well, because I thought, ‘oh my God, like you know...’ but then when the doctor said to me this happens and it will take a bit of while to go away, so we thought, ‘OK...’ when we found out you know this is what it is, we... because it was very hard to get appointments with the doctors as well in those times as well, so then we had to keep a monitor on [daughter] as well, write down everything that... when she’s getting it, and what’s happening, and what she’s doing, what activities she’s doing at that time, so we used to tell her to relax yourself, take time, don't rush your things, don't walk to school.
That this is a big point for us as well that you know your son’s passed away, my husband, back then, well, and I was like felt like we were alive now, you know we... we're fine, we've come out of it, you're fine, everything’s fine, you know, thank God for that as well I think, it’s going to be that now, and we’ll sort of... and I said this will be a teamwork and we have to look after each other, be there for each other, because you're feeling pain you know, the other girls feeling pain in her, so knowing that you're going through a pain as well you should know what pain feels, so yeah, be there for each other, that will give a big support, and that will help you mentally-wise as well. I think that was a really strong point for us as well, there is... we must be a teamwork, to be there for each other, because you see there for each other, you get that confidence I think you can get better soon, and that confidence turns into happiness then, so I think that was a really big key stage as well for us, you know the long symptoms?
And every now and then they do say to me I've got this, but I do... I do... I don't want them to let me see more down so I do give them confidence: ‘[Daughter], now give me five, you’re strong girls, just eat your veggies and fruits, yeah, come on babe, you can do this,’ if you just put it in their minds and not feel it more, because if you... because the lesser that you go through it and then make them feel it more, and that sort of drags you down. [youngest daughter] feels it, [daughter], you need to say these words to them, to build that confidence in them, even though they’re going through it, but then you need to give you that confidence and mentally-wise support with this sort of thinking, yeah, we're getting you better, we're get you back, you don't have –, so that’s what my experience was and that’s what I sort of felt throughout the day we got it and then till now.
For Sharifa, prayer was important to help her daughters mentally, to distract from their pain and give them a confidence boost.
For Sharifa, prayer was important to help her daughters mentally, to distract from their pain and give them a confidence boost.
I said to her, ‘[daughter], listen to me, the more you think about it, the more you think of that life, divert yourself, when it’s happening that time, don't... the more you think about it, the more you're going to feel it,’ so that helped a bit I think just went to the girls, ‘the more you feel it, the more you're going to feel it, and just sort of drag you down, so try... when that’s happening, try to distract your mind, go and watch a drama, go and do something else, if you love reading, go and try and read, I know it’s kind of hard not to focus, but try and divert your mind, go out a bit for a fresh air, so those things are fought...’ let me tell this to the girls, you know, to help them in any way I can. I know there’s still obstacle be there but we're diverting something... you know whatever we can from... from doing that obviously like... do you understand?
You've got to try and do that in life, I mean it’s like them losing hope, you can't really lose hope in life, can we? We need to go on. We need to go and do...and then thank God eventually slowly, slowly this will stop. Because there’s one thing that helped us also in the beginning, we was like we were crumbling, because of... obviously because my kids are going through this, and the husband, and everyone’s ill, then praying, that was big major key for me, praying, and that gave me a lot confidence and then starts eventually... you know when I said to you that I mentioned to you I need to sort of shake off because I need to bring the girls back with that confidence, mentally-wise, you know and confidence, so I started praying and I told the girls pray as well, that gave us a big massive sort of... it’s like a big massive push to us like you know to come... like we need to get on now, that was a really big huge... honest that was be the best thing for us mentally-wise, and I said before, if you're mentally-wise healthy, your body automatically sort of recovers quickly, so that was a big thing for us as well...Because, praying it gives you so much hope and that confidence in you, that’s what I sort of need to do for the girls, I need to sort of bring them back as well, and now they've lost their father I need to look after their health, you know, so that’s the end.
Yeah, take each day as it goes by, but you know each day is like a new chapter for us. I said to the girls, ‘because we're going to be a teamwork now babes, you know each day’s going to be a new chapter for us, as the day goes... let’s take each day as it goes, health-wise, financially-wise,’ no, and as I said before I think it’s very important to be spiritually strong in these circumstances, so I prayed a lot, God honestly gave you that confidence. Because before when... when my husband passed away in the beginning it was like so much... it was like as well as it is man, you know? And so many people what’s going to happen to us next, but then hearing the message of the Quran and spiritually-wise, praying, it gave us so much strength and...and the confidence, that was amazing. I mean yes, ups and downs are there, the... that’s what life... life’s never going to be an easy road. And with spiritually-wise, I think it’s very important to be strong spiritually-wise to make you go through these aspects of life.
Sharifa has Long Covid herself and feels guilty that she isn’t well enough to look after her children who also have Long Covid. She says “mentally-wise that was pulling me more down.”
Sharifa has Long Covid herself and feels guilty that she isn’t well enough to look after her children who also have Long Covid. She says “mentally-wise that was pulling me more down.”
And...yeah, and...then he goes to me, he’ll take me on... I'll put you into a long-term clinic, a pain clinic or something, you know, which that still hasn't come, yeah, nothing’s come from there yet. Yeah, and I was feeling so weak, and I felt so like... and then also because I'm a mother and I'll see my... some of the children having long symptoms, I think mentally-wise that was pulling me more down as well, and it was very hard. It’s like I felt so useless and like no I'm not capable of doing something, because I wasn't well myself, I couldn't be there for my children, that I noticed as well, you know I just felt so bad as well that you know, and my kids are sick as well and I'm not able to look after them.
And everyone was trying their best, but obviously it was just not a very nice thing what happened. And yeah, and it was like the pains in the legs, and weakness was... even now and then I still get weakness, even now, and then the doctor goes and takes about a couple of months to get better, you know, it takes some time, and it depends on the person’s body, that’s what he told. So yeah, it was really hard coping with that. And I don't know if it’s relevant, if I should mention it or not, someone taking away a loved one from the Covid, that was like a big shock for us too, I mean I... you know.
That’s what I thought to be honest with you, what I thought when my family had a Covid, the kids, one by one each person fell ill and there was no one that... and then my husband, he was trying to look after everybody, and there were... yeah, and it was just like... you know. Yeah, oh, I don't know what else to say really. I mean this is what I personally felt because if you're mentally-wise strong, you can overcome anything, but then when... if you're getting sort of down from every aspect, from your kids and the husband, that sort of brings you down as well, dragging you down as well, mentally-wise as well and physically-wise. And even now and then sometimes I get breathless, and you know I feel weakness in the legs, and then seeing kids... because I think for a mother, her kids like... she always puts... even though we... with our self we put our kids first.
Sharifa’s husband used to manage the family’s finances but following his death it is now her responsibility.
Sharifa’s husband used to manage the family’s finances but following his death it is now her responsibility.
Obviously to be honest with you on... I don't know what to say, honestly, it’s hard because before, my husband used to handle all the bills, I wouldn't ask for [inaudible] I want my pocket money right [inaudible] my pocket money, but that’s the life you worry about, bills, this and that, tax, whatever, you know it... he used to do everything and then suddenly had this responsibility all the time and then honestly, I think anyone would find it hard, not just me you have to recover and do this, get on with… oh my God… and we should think about this thing, now we have to think... I can remember we used to shop from there, and now we shop from here, here yeah, now a problem, I'm going to have to save some money from here now, I'm going to have use this less now, all right, I'm turning all the lights off now, I don't want no lights on, yeah.
Sharifa’s daughter struggled walking up and down the stairs at school because of pain in her back and legs. The school let her use the lift after Sharifa provided a letter from her daughter’s GP.
Sharifa’s daughter struggled walking up and down the stairs at school because of pain in her back and legs. The school let her use the lift after Sharifa provided a letter from her daughter’s GP.
Yeah, we had to organise and get a letter from the doctor as well, she could not use the stairs, use the lift, and then we had to sort of get that from the doctor, but you always had to do it in the... contacting the doctor at that time, because of the Covid epidemic and there are so many – like it was really hard at that time as well, so I wanted to let you know this is her problem, her heartbeat is… and he said to her it will take a bit of time. Now and then like we tell her not to do too much heavy things or exercise or even when you go for a walk, ‘don't walk too fast, walk slowly,’ I think now and then she takes a cab to school as well, I didn't let her use a... like the buses either, you had to get a letter from the GP to say that you know if she can use their lift, stairs up and down she’s causing, because she was taking time out of a lot of school for this reason as well.
[Daughter] was as well because she was used to getting a lot of pains in her back and her legs as well, so yeah, that was the problem. School-wise it was a problem for us as well. Up until then when you're talking you forget to mention things because you go on a certain topic and then you start talking... but yeah, that one made me think that [daughter] was the most worse to be honest with you, was the first... was really scared for her, because her heartbeat that was going very fast and like jumping up just walking from her room to the bathroom, it’s only like, what, five, six, seven feet and they're like... it’s like we walked... just like, what, a few seconds, we're in one level, and that was a bit scary for us as well.
But yeah, we had to go through that as well, and then the school goes, ‘oh we can't do it without... you get your letter from the GP,’ so that was just... was stressful as well, so we had to try and get the... contact a GP, do this for us, and that, so yeah, that was a bit of a... you know a stressful time for us as well, like we had to get a letter to... for her to use the lifts because it was too hard for her to climb up then going... and walking from one place to another, whatever classroom, so that was a bit... you know...
Teamwork in a loving and supportive family is helping Sharifa’s family to cope.
Teamwork in a loving and supportive family is helping Sharifa’s family to cope.
Exactly, yeah, it’s how you get through things, that’s right, obviously otherwise you'll...you'd be like just there ill, you know, you need to have that support to make you get better quickly, as I said before even now, and then they've still to the symptom, but then everyone’s got each other’s back, yeah, if one’s down, the other one say, ‘Yeah, come on here, yeah, you'll be fine, don't worry.’ And that can be a bit of more confidence to you, offer you at that time, that helps you a lot to get through that.
Yeah, that teamwork.
Teamwork is very important, yeah. To be at each other’s back and that teamwork, because as I said before, the long symptoms you've got that you feel it more, you're going to feel more down psychologically as well and physically as well. But I think it’s very important to get that support and feel yourself that confidence back where you can make your body, and your body heals more quickly then that way as well, that’s what I experienced and that’s what we sort of went through. That’s what we felt, yeah.