Moazzam and Zubaida

Brief Outline:

Moazzam fell ill with Covid in October 2020, and was in hospital with for 4,5 months, including 2,5 months in ICU. He moved in with his 80-year-old mother in her ground floor flat after his discharge, because his own home had stairs he could no longer climb.

Time of interview April 2021

Background:

Before he fell ill with Covid, Moazzam worked as a Courier. He is 51 and married with four children (11, 8, 6 and 2 years old). Ethnicity: British- Pakistani.

More about me...

Moazzam experienced trouble with his breathing in October 2020. When his breathing got worse in the middle of the night, his wife called an ambulance. He was admitted to hospital, where he was given an oxygen mask. Moazzam does not remembers much after that. He was in a coma for about 2½ months. Moazzam only later realised how ill he had been.

Moazzam is diabetic and has high blood pressure. In the hospital he was fitted with a pacemaker. Whilst in a coma, Moazzam suffered hallucinations that felt very real to him. It was difficult for clinicians to bring him out of the coma. When he awoke, he was very weak and was haunted by his dreams. He could not face his brothers, because he had dreamt, they had been hurt because of him and he believed this had really happened.

Moazzam was discharged to the general ward. Nurses would come regularly to check his blood sugar levels and take blood. His arms were bruised from the many times his blood was taken. He was not able to pray in the way he would have liked to on the ward, because it was hard for him to lift his arms, and he had no sense of time. A Somali nurse sometimes helped him to pray or prayed with him, something Moazzam appreciated.

Moazzam was discharged from hospital 4½ months after being admitted. He could not walk, so he used a wheelchair. He, his wife and children live in a first floor flat. After his discharge, he was unable to climb stairs and there was a month-long waiting list to install a stair lift. Therefore he could not move back home. Instead, he moved in with his elderly mother, who lives in a ground floor flat. He had help from an occupational therapist, who looked at whether the bathroom had enough space for him to manoeuvre, and a carer who came in twice a day to help him go to the bathroom and do Wudu (the Islamic ritual of cleansing parts of the body). Moazzam’s family helped with other tasks and activities.

Moazzam feels that his admission did not just impact him, but also his family and his extended family in Pakistan. Had he not been in hospital, his wife would have gone to her sister’s wedding and seen her father before he passed away. Although his wife has never said anything about it to him, Moazzam feels guilty about her not having seen her father. He worries about his children taking on a caring role. His ability to work has also been affected. He previously worked as a courier, but cannot do that anymore since he cannot walk, at least not at the moment.

Compared to how he was before his admission, Moazzam finds that his eyesight has deteriorated. He still struggles with his breathing and is concerned he may have long Covid. He was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) following his time in hospital. His family is an important source of support. But Moazzam finds it hard that his mother is taking care of him, because he feels he should be looking after her.

His mother feels differently. She was in Pakistan when her son was in hospital, and only found out that he had been admitted to ICU when she was back in the UK. She prayed a lot for her son whilst he was in coma, alongside friends and family across the world. Moazzam’s nephew answered his uncle’s question what the family had been doing whilst he was in coma: “We were in a worse coma than you, no one’s head would lift from prayer, no one’s hands would come down from making Dua. Hands were tied in front of Allah.” Moazzam’s mother is grateful to Allah for her son’s survival. Although she is disabled herself, she is happy that her son is home with her. She feels renewed energy since taking up his care.

Moazzam remembered that staff was wearing less PPE as he got better.

Then by the time I got to come out of ICU, and they put me into a separate room I was still being treated by people by the nurses wearing so much extra PPE that it was, I honestly, because I didn't know how severe my Covid was. They were still, where they were coming in like hazmat suits.

Yeah exactly, and like it probably makes the situation seem a lot scarier.

It did, it honestly did because I, all I wanted to do was basically go home. But they, I wasn't even allowed to move, to breathe, and in my head, I would just think that I can just get off the bed and just start walking and go. Go inside, go to the reception and sign myself out, discharge myself and go home. But every time I tried to move, I couldn't. And when it when it got slightly better, when they were coming in with not as much PPE Hazmat suit type thing, it got slightly lighter.

Moazzam moved in with his elderly mother, when his infection from Covid and Intensive Care admission left him unable to climb the stairs to the flat where his family lives.

Uh, so, I was kinda on the road to recovery by the time I left there, 4 1/2 months later. So, it, I was, but I was literally on the bed for all of that time. Let's see. It's been a struggle since I've come home. My own house is a first floor flat. Where I normally live, but I can't go upstairs. I've got no strength in my legs right now for me to take steps up. So, I've had to come and stay here at my mom's, where the bathroom and my room that they've given me here to stay in is all on the same level. So, I have enough strength in me using the frame to walk to the bathroom and come back. The government has provided a carer who comes in twice a day. In the mornings, so around 11:00 o'clock he'll come. And he literally takes me to the bathroom. Helps me in the bathroom. And helps me do Wudu [Islamic procedure of cleansing one’s body before starting prayer] basically, and then we come back out. And then he comes again at about half six in the evening. And takes me again if I need to go to the toilet. During the day then my family helped. But I struggle while I'm in the, in the actual bathroom because I have to be there. I'm on my own there. Twice a week the carer will help me have a shower. Otherwise, I can't. I can't, literally, my arm doesn't stretch to my back for me to rub my back, even if I try and put it on my head. It’s the strain on my shoulders. It's so much that it starts hurting, so the flexibility is gone. Might be because I've been, I was out for so long. I don't know what the, once again, the medical or technical term is, but my mass, my meat sort of off my body, it has started to hang off my bones. It's the muscle mass, it has deteriorated.

Moazzam’s mother found new strength in her legs after her son came home from hospital.

I have been hearing great things about you.

Alhamdulillah, all good things are because of Allah, son, we aren’t worth much, son.

And making Dua and prayers is most of what we can do. And I was told its by your Duas that he was able to get back into good health?

Allah wanted to give him good health. I know, a mother’s Dua holds weight, is very valuable, but whoever is wanted by Allah, goes. There must be so many mothers like me whose heads have been on the floor crying and have must have finally gone quiet. How many young kids have gone, I just can’t believe it, son? It pains me so much hearing about them, seeing them, thinking about them.

Absolutely, absolutely. I also heard that after his coming home, you got on your feet, got moving around the house, and had a newfound strength in you?

Yes, son. His father passed away last year, in January. He was also bedridden for 3 and a half years. So, I would be busy with him, my daughter was with him too, there was a carer who came about three times as well. There was so much work to do around him that I wouldn’t be able to sit. I would just be around him all the time, so I was fine. Even with a stick I used to walk, but still I used to manage him. After his death, I sat down so much, I would get up and then sit in bed, and then in the bathroom. That became my daily routine. After his coming home, he keeps saying to me Mom, sit down, sit down. I say [name participant], because of your coming I’ve actually started moving, Allah has given me strength in my legs, so now I’m out and about. Don’t stop me, I used to be getting jammed.

Moazzam’s entire family came together to help him after hospital discharge. His mother found new strength in her legs taking care of her son.

How are you? I have been hearing great things about you.

Alhamdulillah, all good things are because of Allah, son, we aren’t worth much, son.

And making Dua and prayers is most of what we can do. And I was told its by your Duas that he was able to get back into good health?

Allah wanted to give him good health. I know, a mother’s Dua holds weight, is very valuable, but whoever is wanted by Allah, goes. There must be so many mothers like me whose heads have been on the floor crying and have must have finally gone quiet. How many young kids have gone, I just can’t believe it, son? It pains me so much hearing about them, seeing them, thinking about them.

Absolutely, absolutely. I also heard that after his coming home, you got on your feet, got moving around the house, and had a newfound strength in you?

Yes, son. His father passed away last year, in January. He was also bedridden for 3 and a half years. So, I would be busy with him, my daughter was with him too, there was a carer who came about three times as well. There was so much work to do around him that I wouldn’t be able to sit. I would just be around him all the time, so I was fine. Even with a stick I used to walk, but still I used to manage him. After his death, I sat down so much, I would get up and then sit in bed, and then in the bathroom. That became my daily routine. After his coming home, he keeps saying to me Mom, sit down, sit down. I say [name participant], because of your coming I’ve actually started moving, Allah has given me strength in my legs, so now I’m out and about. Don’t stop me, I used to be getting jammed.

Subhanallah. Tell me, in your own words, when he came back from the ambulance, and then now when he has sat with me and talked with me for so long, tell me in your words, what did you do for him and for his recovery?

Son, even now, I can only make Dua for him. I can’t do much for him because I am disabled myself. But, alhamdulillah, I can walk with a stick, but the care for him, the most was done by his niece and nephews, and his sister-in-law, she was the one cooking for him, she was the one that took care of him. She had the household duties on her shoulders, her own 4 kids, even with the youngest being 3 years old. But she really helped so much. She did most of the care, son, not me. I just made sure he kept getting his medicines. I give him his medicines; I didn’t put that responsibility on anyone else. Insulin I give him myself. That work I didn’t trust to anyone else. She had so many things on her plate as it was. She could have forgotten something. Like even today, I need to give him his drops. Have you taken your drops? No? I have to still give him his drops today, I woke up a bit late. He says he still hasn’t had his drops. The entire family came together to help him. One nephew helps him exercise, nowadays he gives him a lot of time, he sits with him. The younger one massages him. The brothers take him to the bathroom together. The keep an eye on his food and drink. They sit around him, so he doesn’t feel lonely. He has 4 kids of his own, the youngest is 2 years old. And when he was in that state that he didn’t have consciousness, that little kid would say Daddy I love you. And I wanted to cry so much then, I would feel so much pain. Like what was the child feeling then, Daddy I love you. And one kid of his, 8 years old, saw him once in picture with the machines attached. That kid wouldn’t even come out anymore. Only asking what happened to my daddy? So, the entire family felt pain, gone through pain. Every single one.