Stephanie - Interview 21

Age at interview: 35

Age at diagnosis: 29

Brief Outline: Stephanie was teaching overseas in an international school when she started experiencing periods of anxiety and depression. She closely linked these experiences with her menstrual cycle. Initially she sought treatment through medication, which worked well, but on her return to Australia Stephanie also found visiting a psychologist helpful. Currently Stephanie is not taking medication and feels that should future experiences of depression occur she is well equipped to deal with them.

Background: Stephanie works full-time as a teacher and is currently single. Ethnic background' Hispanic.

More about me...

Stephanie classifies herself as a strong person. However at the age of 29, while working overseas in an international school, Stephanie began experiencing periods where she could not ‘control her emotions’ which she believed were closely related to her menstrual cycle. These periods were defined by anxiety, crying and feelings of being overwhelmed. Eventually Stephanie made an appointment with a GP who, ‘without mentioning the word depression’, told her that she may have an ‘imbalance in her serotonin levels’ and gave her a prescription for anti-depressants. Although she experienced side effects, which included a shaky jaw, nausea, reduced sex drive and constipation, Stephanie found that the medication made her feel 'mellow', less anxious and she would not cry as often. Psychologists were not easily accessible where she was based, but Stephanie kept regular appointments with her GP, and they ‘would talk through things’. 

 

Once Stephanie was feeling better it was decided that she would come off the medication which she did so by decreasing the dosage slowly. Stephanie stopped taking the medication on a trip home but on her return overseas broke up with her boyfriend, which she found difficult and prompted suicidal thoughts. After putting on a lot of weight and again experiencing bouts of crying, a friend urged her to go back to the doctor. Again the medication helped her to feel better. On returning home permanently Stephanie encountered family problems that she found difficult to deal with. While still on the medication Stephanie went to a GP, whom she found helpful, and organised a mental health care plan that included visiting a psychologist. The sessions with the psychologist, while not ‘groundbreaking’, helped her to gain some alternative perspectives on family issues. After successfully losing weight and feeling better Stephanie slowly stopped taking the medication. 

 

While Stephanie does not believe that anything in her childhood caused her to experience depression she does identify anxiety as being part of her adolescence. Stephanie believes that this may stem from her family’s emigration from a country with a military dictatorship as this was always in the background. However she does not think that ‘dwelling on possible causes’ is helpful. Stephanie says she has a tendency to overanalyse things and feels the need to keep herself busy to prevent negative thoughts from taking hold. 

 

During her experiences of depression Stephanie did not feel it necessary to read information on depression. Her advice to others with similar experiences would be to go and see a doctor, and if that doesn’t work to find another. Stephanie found talking through things with health professionals, family and friends particularly helpful. Stephanie now feels that she is able to deal with future experiences of depression should they occur, but considers this unlikely. 

 

Even though she was prescribed antidepressant medication, Stephanie can't remember the word ...

She was a German lady and she didn't say that I was depressed; she said that she thought I had some imbalance in my serotonin and that I probably should take some medicine and to give it a go. She didn't use the word depression at all and I was ready to give anything a go and so I did and I - the way I felt when I was depressed, it was just like unhappy but in not being able to cope with anything, starting to cry at nothing. 

 

I'm a very strong person and people expect me to be able to do pretty much everything that needs to be done, and whenever I was upset I'd just start crying, usually with my boyfriend, who wasn't a very good boyfriend, and so that probably helped for it to not be good. And I would feel - how would I feel? Yeah, just anxious, really anxious and then not being able to let things go; let problems go, and I would cry and I would cry and not be able to stop crying. 

 

And then one day I decided she - one day it was really bad and like I was just upset, crying, not wanting to do anything and the main feature of my depression was crying; crying and not, and not doing anything, not wanting to do anything. And she (a friend) said, I think this is - this is medical. This is - you have to go back to your doctor; you have to go back to your doctor, and so I did. And I went back to the doctor and I walked into the doctor and sat down and just started crying and she just said okay, I think you need to go back on the medication and I don't even know if we even used the word depression. I can't remember, but it was definitely understood. Yeah, it was interesting. 

 

Stephanie appreciated being trusted by her GP and interpreted this as meaning her doctor saw her...

But I, with health professionals I decided to be very straight with how I felt. When I was overseas I wasn't because I didn't know how I felt, I don't think. But once I'd been I think that when I actually started recovering was when I was back in Australia and I found this doctor who was just graduated, just got her GP qualifications, and she was great because she really listened. And so I didn't, didn't let her go, you know, and I, I just went to her - well when the first time I went to her was when I had to get my script filled and I said well, I've been on this medication, I need to continue taking it because there's no way I'm stopping it, otherwise it's, it's a real problem. 

 

And she handed me the script and I looked at it and I said this is for six months, what are you doing? And she said well, I think that you're a, you know, intelligent person and if you have a problem I'm sure you'll come and see me again. And I nearly fainted because overseas I'd been having to go back every month to get my script filled again because they wanted to check on me and things. And that, I think that for me made me feel like hey, I'm doing okay, and ah so she was really good like that. 

 

And then if I had a problem, because I had a few other, you know, health problems and whenever I went to see her she really listened and she always gave me the options. And she was good that she said, you're going to Google it anyway, so I'll explain it to you, I'll explain it to you. And I said well actually, I don't Google too much stuff because it's, you just get ridiculous amounts of information that is probably not that useful for me.

 

Stephanie talked about the benefits of medication, and the importance of being straightforward...

My advice would be don't be afraid of medication. Lots of my friends have been afraid - not my friends, but people who I know who've for some reason talked to me about it, have been afraid of medication. Don't be afraid of medication. Sure there are side effects, but it may work. It might not, but it did for me.

 

And my thing is to try and be straightforward with what the problem is. If there's something, if there's something that you know is what is bothering you, then you've got to say it, because if you lie to your psychologist or you lie to your doctor, you're never going to get the help that you need. And it's sometimes, it's not a lie, it's a keeping something because it's too hard to say, but that's what they're there for, yeah. So that would be my advice. 

 

Stephanie's treatment for depression - antidepressants and counselling - was so effective that...

I, because it was so effective for me, because the medication was so effective, I just said oh well, this is working, I'll continue with it. I'm and plus also because I have a tendency to overanalyse things if I - especially to do with illnesses and things, and so I, once when I was when I was feeling - now that I, it's hard for me to know what my decision making process was when I was feeling really bad because everything was just so bad. But when I was, definitely when I was feeling better, when I had other medical problems, and I had a few I made a decision to talk to my doctor and do maybe a little bit of reading, but then if it all matched up I'm not going to read any more. 

 

Because for me all other people's experiences and things like that, even though like, this study for me, I probably wouldn't look at it because it's not for me, I don't generally listen to those kinds of things and read those kinds of things because I think everybody's experience is different and - but I can see that other people, it's helpful for them. So I, no I didn't. I really didn't and I yeah , I have no desire to either, because I just think well if it's working for me I'll continue with that.