Andrew - Interview 38

Age at interview: 51
Age at diagnosis: 43
Brief Outline: Andrew has struggled with depression as well as chronic physical health problems for most of his life. His 13 years of marriage were a happier period, but after his wife's sudden death from a heart attack, his mental and physical health deteriorated and he was diagnosed with depression. He has found attending a mental health peer support group to be very helpful, together with antidepressant medication and regular visits to his GP.
Background: Andrew is widowed, lives alone, and works as a storekeeper. He is a member of a peer support mental health group. Ethnic background' Australian.

More about me...

Andrew felt he was different from other children from an early age because he had dyslexia and because he and his younger sister had kidney problems. Growing up, Andrew recalls feeling alone, abandoned and that no-one was there for him, his father having died when he was nine, and his mother busy raising five children. When he was 14 the family relocated from the regional town they lived in to a capital city so he could receive dialysis. Each time he visited hospital he wondered if it might be his last time, as he knew of other dialysis patients who had died. Two years later he received a kidney transplant, as did his younger sister. Adjusting to life after the transplant was difficult, as Andrew had always felt he didn’t need to push himself to achieve things because he wasn’t sure how long he would live.
 
Despite lacking formal qualifications, Andrew found work but due to his self doubts always wondered if people employed him simply out of pity. He felt that there was no enjoyment to be had from life and couldn’t understand other people’s drive or passion as he felt he was just going through the motions. From 18 he started drinking heavily. However, when Andrew met his wife at age 26, things changed. His wife made him happy, he gave up alcohol, and grew in confidence. He worked full-time and was happy to also support his wife’s floristry business. However in 2001 when Andrew was 42 his wife passed away suddenly from a heart attack. 
 
Immediately after his wife’s death Andrew was in shock. Gradually, his mental health deteriorated. He felt abandoned and alone, similar to when his father had died. Andrew had also developed muscle wasting in his extremities in his 30s and had continued health problems associated with his kidneys. He became very unwell due to these health conditions and his grief over his wife and in 2003 he was hospitalised twice. He saw a psychologist who diagnosed depression, suggested antidepressant medication and joining a mental health support group. 
 
It took Andrew three months to muster up the courage to attend the group. However, when he did, he was positively surprised and found he preferred a group setting to one-on-one therapy with a psychologist. He found the members supportive, helpful and felt he could be honest about his mental health. On reflection Andrew thinks he had experienced the same lack of passion and feelings of disinterest which he now understands as depression from an early age. He has now been with his peer support group for seven years and has led his local branch for three years. Andrew says the group has also helped him develop social skills and be more assertive and confident. He says being determined to be independent and positive and continue work has been a great decision.
 
Andrew continues taking antidepressant medication. He thinks the support group has been most beneficial and has found his interactions with his GP comfortable and supportive. He believes that an important aspect of him getting better has been to develop a ‘sound philosophy’ and learning to ‘cultivate positive thoughts’. He takes pleasure in the company and support of his sisters, his wife’s family, and friends. He hopes to continue to develop his talents and passions and meet a new partner to share these with.
 
 

Andrew said when experiencing depression after his wife's death, he felt despair and helplessness...

Andrew said when experiencing depression after his wife's death, he felt despair and helplessness...

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Ah yeah I’d say despair would be one of them. Ah a fear of what was going to happen to me from now ah because if I didn’t have someone to support me. It was like I was back when I was a kid and I was wanting somebody to just pick me up and, and look after me. And give me that sense of assurity that everything was going to be all right. And oh I just - helplessness. Ah I don’t, I don’t believe I was fearful of - I just think, I just, just trying to, trying to think. 
 
Just the hopelessness of the situation that - and it might have been self-driven from my own needs. Ah yeah, desperation.
 

Andrew was diagnosed with depression in adulthood, but believes fighting a chronic physical...

Andrew was diagnosed with depression in adulthood, but believes fighting a chronic physical...

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We left [place name] at when I was 14. We come up to [place name] with the family ‘cause both my sister and myself had to go onto dialysis. Yeah that was a harrowing experience.
 
Ah I think I grew up, grew up in the state of mind, sorry not grew up, but had that state of mind every time you went into hospital was this going to be it? Was I going to die? Because when you went in there it was like Russian roulette. Three people passed away on the machine. And my perception now is and what I’ve learnt is that as a child and you’re in that formative years yeah it can seem like that. So I was 16, I was offered a kidney transplant, my sister also had one six months before me. So my sister and I have very similar lives. Ah, we’re the best of friends. I’m always there to support her cause she’s worse off than me. That’s my perception.
 
That was the first time I was actually diagnosed with depression and that was the first time I was introduced to antidepressants. There is, sorry there was mentioned that there is a very good possibility that I, from an early age, was on that gradual decline to depression.
 

Andrew felt that, in order to get better, people have to look within themselves.

Andrew felt that, in order to get better, people have to look within themselves.

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While I don’t like giving advice cause yeah I think change has to, change has to come about from ourselves. And there’s a piece of program in the book, in the (name of book), called responsibility. I have, in the past, never taken responsibility for me and my life. So one - change comes about, from my point of view, from taking the responsibility of what one needs to do in order to change one life, one’s life. If you want to change your drug dependency, your alcohol dependency, what - the dependency on your mother, whatever, you can only enact that by the gaining of knowledge. 
 
Getting help from if I can term it, not just from the medical fraternity but from people who seem wiser than you are. And understanding that change doesn’t happen overnight, it happens within time. Maybe not your time, but it happens gradually.
 

As a child Andrew spent a lot of time in hospital. Even though he understood why his mother was...

As a child Andrew spent a lot of time in hospital. Even though he understood why his mother was...

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The beginning for me started back when I was a kid. Ah at an early age I found myself not being able to do what ordinary kids do. Ah being out in the playground, I had a lot of trouble in school with learning. Ah I found out that I had dyslexia which complicated my learning. My understanding of concepts was very poor so I didn’t do very well at school ah in my formative years. I was also found out that I had kidney problems at an early age. Ah when most kids are growing up and learning what life was about ah from mentors, their parents, unfortunately my father passed away at nine.
 
I never had a mentor in my life that I could go and ask questions. Ah you know how do I handle this? What life’s all about and things like this. Mum was very occupied with four other kids. Two of us had kidney problems. We used to spend a lot of time in hospital. Of course without the support of Mum but that was through no fault of her own. She had her own issues with ah I don’t know ah mental issues, depression ah as I found out later on in life she was actually on antidepressants as such. And I think, no I know, I basically grew up, if you can term the word, alone.
 

Andrew preferred the internet to reading books about depression.

Andrew preferred the internet to reading books about depression.

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Okay. I’ve, I’ve been on (mental health support NGO). I’ve actually been onto the computer, as you see I’ve got one,  and I’ve actually looked up a lot of literature on depression. The signs of depression , different people who have actually sort of worked their way through depression and how they’ve changed their life and stuff like that. 
 
I’m not a great reader of books. I endeavoured to get a few books out. There was one there called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Yeah I got about a quarter of the way through it and I just lost the whole, the whole plot. 
 
Never been - not a good, not a good - for me reading and relating those concepts in your mind have never been good. I’m more give me a computer, let me read it, a lot easier that way. Now if they had computers 30 years ago at school I would have been a whiz. But yeah I’m more the visual sort of guy or doing it and learning it that way.